Monday, April 27, 2009

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.
I have read this from one of the blog which is really impressive and ofcourse worth to know it!!When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the no1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about Finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2) You can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION..4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with
your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.
Another perspective...
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention...Which ones lift and which ones lean?
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.
Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make
someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

My Redeemer Lives!!!!!!!!!!

Does GOD answer our Prayers? Many will have this question.Yes he does answer our prayers in a way : "Yes","Not Yet(Wait)" or "No".
A long while ago, I had a question in my mind; "A question that drives me real hazy(?)"which made me to pray a lot for the answer.But I do got the answer from the Lord and I thank him for his perfect leading and deliverance of all things that concerns me.
But onething, when we ask of the Lord to bring His will to pass, he will surely guide us and make us endure through trials.Do you think that you don't have anyone to answer your questions?..My Redeemer still lives to answer you !!!
I had a situation today where i sought an answer diligently from him .He spoke to me regarding that,through the same verse ,between dawn and the dusk ,from three different sources.It was beyond human comprehension that urged me to write this blog .I was enthralled by his perfect guidance.
As GOD answered the prayers of Saint Paul,He did answered me.But instead of conceding my request in the way that I was expecting, he answered in a different way.When you are not receiving an answer according to your wish you conclude, God has not answered your prayers. You received answers to your prayer. The answer was given to you in God’s way and His will.
But do you know that,"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.(Rom 8:28).
For all my questions He gave me the only reply "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" - 2 Cor 12:9.Then I started meditating on this verse and He gave me a revelation for this verse.
As paul says "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness( 2Cor 12 :7 - 9).
Yes. even I pleaded the Lord for deliverance as Paul cried out to him;I do cry out to the Lord to deliver me and I was able to feel how saint Paul would have been in that situation.But I Praise GOD that he replied me and gave me an assurance that He still lives within me.
Even now I do not know what the answer would be but the assurance that HE gave me that His grace is sufficient for me is more than enough than anything else in this world.So I praise GOD for all of his works in my Life..And I can boast as saint Paul says that "....I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknessess,so that Christ's power may rest on me"..
For Christ sake I do delight in weaknesses,in insults,in hardships,in persecutions,in difficulties.For when I am weak then I am strong.
I remembered of the verse in the bible "Not only so,but we also rejoice in our sufferings,because we know that suffering produces perseverance;perseverance,character;and character ,hope.(Acts 5:3).
So I rejoice in the lord and Praise GOD that i have gained Perseverance,character and finally hope .Through all my trials I give glory to his name alone.!!!
So friends... do not be disheartened when things doesn't go the way that you wanted to "My Redeemer still Lives" to save you and to answer you how worse the situation you are in.God Bless!!!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Discovering the Sacred Echo..

I believe in Jesus and I have heard his voice at the time of my Life’s toughest decision and have listened to his voice and fervently obeyed and followed his ways.But still I doubt his voice and seek for his confirmation and when things didn’t happen in my own time and when it goes beyond my control I started doubting his ways that shows my lack of faith in Him.
But I’m so thankful to him since he loves me so much of all my weaknesses and continues to speak to me.I was surfing the net to study for an external certification to advance in my career I really don’t know how I happened to end up with a site which shows the title as “Discovering the Sacred Echo”.Title was interesting and I had the urge to read this so I started reading it.I have just copied below whatever I have read through that site but I was astonished to the core it was just recaping the things that I did in my life to understand his voice to follow and obey his will in my life so far. It gives me a confirmation again that I’m aligning with his path.
Read through it and be blessed…!!!
When God really wants to get your attention, He doesn't just say something once. He echoes. The same scripture, idea, or theme will reappear until you can't help but wonder if a greater something, or Someone, is at work. The persistent voice of God in our lives--the sacred echo--is available if we take time to slow down and really listen. But do you begin to hear God's voice in your life?
Consider these simple steps for getting started.
Take Time to Seek God
The first step is to take time to seek God. What does it look like to seek Him? Well, King David displayed his search for God in his life, his leadership, and even the songs he wrote. In Psalm 63, he wrote, "Oh God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." So how can you seek God? Through prayer--which is simply talking to God. Spend time letting God know your concerns, your questions, your doubts. Ask God to speak to you. At the same time, don't forget to take time to thank God for who He is and all that He has done.
Be Honest, Be Dependent
In our modern world, it's easy to think you can do things on your own. But if you want to begin hearing God's voice, you need to seek Him and recognize your dependence on Him. That means being honest with Him. Admit your need for Him. Confess your disappointment with Him. Ask Him to give you ears to hear and eyes to see the ways in which He is speaking. And ask Him for the ability to discern His voice apart from your own.
Hear God in Scripture
Next, it's essential to spend time in scripture. The Bible is like God's megaphone for His people. That's why Hebrews 4:12-13 describes the Word of God as "living" and "active." If you want to hear God's voice in every aspect of your life, then you need to spend time in the Word, because scripture provides balance, confirmation and direction. Many times a scripture will be an actual sacred echo. For example, you may read Matthew 5, which says, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" and find a much needed reminder on the attitude you need to deal with a conflict in your life. God may use scripture to expose an area of sin, compel you to give or serve, or confirm something He's already spoken to your heart.
Ask God Questions
As you're spending time in the Bible, consider prayerfully asking God questions. It may seem simple, but asking God a question implies humility and dependency. Ask God to give you insight. Ask Him to reveal things that are hidden. Ask Him to show you how to pray. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you. Ask and keep asking. You may even want to write down small question marks next to scriptures that you don't understand. These portions can be explored later in commentaries and in discussions with members of your spiritual community.
Be Quiet, and Listen
As you're spending time in scripture and asking God questions, it's essential to take time to listen. You may find that a certain issue or person keeps coming to your mind. Spend time praying about that situation and individual. Or you may find that a verse or passage applies perfectly to the circumstances in your life. Thank God for the His wisdom. Or you may feel compelled to drop a note or call someone out of the blue. Be sure to follow through on these nudges. You may discover that God is speaking to you--convicting, revealing, exhorting, and communicating with you!
Practice Hearing the Echoes
After you've tried these things, if you still find yourself struggling to hear God's voice, try some very practical steps. Find a quiet place where you can unplug from the busyness of the day. You may discover that the challenge of Psalm 46:10 to "Be still, and know that I am God" takes practice. In addition, you may find distractions of to-do's filling your mind. Keep a pen and pad of paper nearby to write those things down as they flutter through your mind. Then intentionally return to the time of stillness. Finally, you may discover that spending more time in worship--whether through music or scripture read aloud--can be a helpful tool to drawing your focus to God and what He has for you.
How to Know if it's God
As you begin to hear things, you may find yourself wondering, "Was that God or not?" That's why the scripture is so important. If you feel something that goes against God's commands, then it isn't from Him. Remember that He's in the business of loving and redeeming mankind. Some questions to ask yourself when evaluating the echo: · Does what I heard line up with the vision God has for my life? · Does what I heard line up with the wise counsel in my life? · Does what I heard leave me with a sense of peace? · Is what I heard blanketed with love?
Be Patient-Speak, Listen, and Wait
Along the journey of hearing from God, don't lose heart or patience. Developing any spiritual discipline takes time. It requires a measure of hard work and waiting. Remember that prayer has three parts: speaking, listening, and waiting. Take time with each one. As Philippians 4:6 encourages, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God." When you do, you may be surprised and delighted that God is speaking to you more than you ever imagined.